Brothers and sisters who come into care together bring with them not just individual histories, but a shared one. They have been through everything together. Keeping them together, when it is right to do so, is one of the most powerful things the care system can offer them.
Why keeping siblings together matters
The research on sibling relationships in foster care is clear. Children who are placed with their brothers and sisters experience significantly better outcomes than those who are separated, across almost every measure: emotional wellbeing, educational achievement, stability of placement, and longer-term life satisfaction.
For children who have experienced the loss of a parent figure, sometimes repeatedly, a sibling is often the most stable and consistent relationship in their lives. They share history, share language, share cultural references, and share the knowledge of where they came from. They are, in the most profound sense, each other's witnesses.
The legal framework reflects this. The Children Act 1989 and Children and Families Act 2014 place a duty on local authorities to place siblings together unless it is not reasonably practicable or not consistent with the welfare of either child.
The realities of sibling group fostering
Fostering a sibling group is more complex than fostering a single child, and it is important to go into it with clear eyes. The most immediate practical consideration is space: each child needs their own bedroom. The relational complexity also increases with the size of the group. You are not just managing one child's needs; you are navigating the dynamics between multiple children who may have very different presentations and a complicated history with one another.
Understanding sibling dynamics in care
Sibling relationships in families where children have experienced abuse or neglect are often more complex than those in families where children have felt consistently safe. You may encounter:
- Role reversal. An older sibling who has taken on a parenting role may struggle to relinquish this, even when it is no longer their responsibility.
- Enmeshment. Siblings who have depended entirely on each other may find it very difficult to connect individually with carers or to develop their own identities.
- Scapegoating. One child may have been identified as the "problem child" and may continue to be treated this way by siblings.
- Loyalty conflicts. Children may feel that forming a relationship with you represents a betrayal of their birth parents, and reinforce each other's resistance to attachment.
- Competition for attention. Multiple children will all have significant unmet needs, and they will not queue politely.
"The two of them were inseparable when they arrived. Three months later, watching them slowly start to feel safe enough to be apart sometimes was one of the most moving things I have witnessed." Epiphany Foster Carer, Manchester
Practical tips for sibling group carers
- Create individual time. Each child needs one-to-one time with you, even briefly. Reading a bedtime story or cooking together creates the individual attachment the children need alongside their sibling bond.
- Name the dynamics gently. "I notice you always look after your little sister. You don't need to do that here. That's my job now."
- Avoid comparisons. Never compare siblings to each other. Each child needs to be seen as an individual, not as part of a set.
- Support individual interests. Encourage each child to pursue their own activities and friendships, not always as a group.
- Be consistent in your expectations. The baseline standards of your home should apply to all children. This reduces the perception of favouritism.
- Build in respite. Sibling group fostering is intensive. Regular respite arrangements are essential for sustainable care.
When siblings are placed separately
There are circumstances where siblings cannot or should not be placed together: where one child has been harming another, or where the needs of one child are incompatible with the needs of another. Where siblings are placed separately, maintaining contact between them, where safe to do so, remains essential.
The rewards
For all the complexity, fostering a sibling group carries unique rewards. Watching children who have survived terrible things together begin to heal together is extraordinary. And the knowledge that because of your household, these children did not lose each other. That is something no amount of difficulty can diminish.